Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found the puke drawer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
