this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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