I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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