I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
