So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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