not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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