I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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