I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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