I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
