You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
