My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
