Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
