I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
