Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
