You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
