You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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