She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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