You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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