He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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