he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
