I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
