Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
