this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
