And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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