Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
