This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vagina is officially offended.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
