The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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