just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
