call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
