just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
