You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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