hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
