I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
