everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
