So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
