she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
