There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
