i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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