He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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