what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im just a social blackout drinker.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
