I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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