i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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