I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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