Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
