I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
