Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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