Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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