He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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