in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
