woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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