Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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