I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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