I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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