You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
