The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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