the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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