I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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