I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
