I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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