I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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