my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
