Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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