Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize