I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
