I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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