No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
