He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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