Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
