We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
