This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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