So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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