Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
