At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
